Defining Your Success-Part 2: Are We There Yet?

The most predictable question that a child will ask while on a seemingly long journey is: "Are we there yet?" Because adults may underestimate a child's ability to grasp the mechanics of travel, they often withhold important details about the trip. Children have to grow into an understanding of time, rates of speed, geography, etc., but the more information that they have, the easier it will be to gain their buy-in. Adults are no different. If people understand where you are going, they will better be able to decide whether they want to support your efforts.

"Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome." -Arthur Ashe

I love this quote by Arthur Ashe. While I agree that the journey is what determines the outcome, it occurs to me that it is critical to know the destination. You must know where you are going first, so that you can devise a plan that details the best way to get there. In other words, you must have a vision for your life. One of my brothers said to me that each of us has a God-given purpose. Once we identify what that is, we should go about the business of formulating a vision for what we want to accomplish during our time on this planet.

Successful people align themselves with those who share the same/similar vision because they recognize the power in the collective efforts of like-minded people. They have a clear vision for their lives and they know how to articulate it to others. If your goal is to become a parent, you wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who doesn't want children. If your goal is to become an English professor, you shouldn't major in physics. If your goal is to be promoted to a management position at work, it is critical that your supervisor be aware of your aspirations. They must also, however, share your vision and be committed to helping you reach your goal.

Consider all of the relationships that you have. Look at your marriage, family, work, school, social clubs, etc. Ask yourself, "What is my vision for my life? Do the most important relationships that I have support my vision?" This an assessment that we should make every time we consider entering into a new relationship or ponder a new opportunity.


When partnerships dissolve, one of three things has occurred. One partner develops a vision where none existed prior. One's vision has changed. One or both parties discovers that their visions for life are not the compatible. It is critical that both parties be honest and forthright about their intentions. If one chooses to withhold information, the other is forced to make decisions without knowing the big picture. This relationship is doomed to fail. Both parties have a right to know the truth because the lie will hinder both people from reaching their individual destinies. Using someone else's skills and talents for personal gain is unfair. Put all of the cards on the table. The big lesson here is that if there is no shared vision, then go your separate ways. No harm, no foul.

Take some time and discover your true purpose and formulate a vision for your life. Then surround yourself with people who share that vision. If you know where you're at,where you're going, and who's going with you, then you'll never have to ask, "Are we there yet?" again.

Be good to yourself! More next time...

What's Your Motivation?

"I'm asking you to believe.Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington...I'm asking you to believe in yours."--President-Elect Barack Obama

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over again in my life--and that is why I succeed."-Michael Jordan

"The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you're willing to work."-Oprah Winfrey

"Success doesn't come to you . . . you go to it."-Marva Collins

"Success does not consist in never making mistakes, but in never making them a second time."- George Bernard Shaw

"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"-Robert Schuller

"It's never too late to be what you might have been."-George Eliot

"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right."-Henry Ford

Motivation can be simply defined as "the direction and intensity of one's effort". (Sage, 1977)The direction of effort refers to whether an individual seeks out, approaches, or is attracted to certain situations. Intensity of effort refers to how much effort a person puts forth in a particular situation. The view of motivation most widely endorsed by sport and exercise psychologists today is the participant-by-situation interactional view. Summarized, the best way to understand motivation is to consider both the person and the situation and how the two interact. (Weinberg, 2007)

Have you ever wondered why your consistency in exercising fluctuates? Well, achievement motivation and competitiveness are believed to develop in three stages:
1) Autonomous competence stage.Occurring before the age of four, children focus on mastering their environment and on self-testing.
2) Social comparison stage. Beginning around the age of five, a child focuses on and directly compares his performance with that of others.
3) Integrated stage. A balanced combination of stages 1 and 2, this stage represents those who know when it is appropriate to compete with others and when it is appropriate to adopt and measure performance by their own standards. While this is the most desirable stage, not everyone reaches it because it requires introspection and maturity.

So, start by asking yourself, "What's my motivation for exercise?" If the root cause of your decision is tied to an internal characteristic, you are more likely to continue the behavior indefinitely. If your motivation comes from competition, you will likely quit when you defeat your opponent, lose miserably, or if your opponent ceases competition with you. If your desire to impress or please someone is at the root of your desire to get in shape, what happens when that person is removed from the picture.

My point is that,like everything in life, you must do it for yourself. Every decision that you make must be in line with the vision that you have for your life. Whether it be for health, wealth, education, or family, you must know your purpose and act accordingly in everything that you do.

It's a new day. What are you going to do? What's your motivation?
More next time...