Do you want to win?

Winners don't quit. They find ways to challenge themselves constantly. Winners attack their weaknesses rather than cower and make excuses. They fight through adversity and seek to solve their problems.

They never underestimate their opponents and they are their own worst critics. These people tap into their God-power. They embrace failure as part of the learning process. They focus on being better than yesterday.

If you are a winner, you will want winners in your inner circle. If you want to be a winner, you will do the same. The catch is that you must be ready to do the work. To win, you must be willing to change. You must be willing to let go of what was, accept what is, and be open to whatever will be.

So if you are not ready to be challenged and improve yourself, leave these folk alone. Don't invite them into your average life. They won't stay long. Rather, sit back and watch. Take good notes. And AIM LOWER.

Be good to yourself! More next time...

Are You the Priority or the Option?

As a former retailer, I have come to understand that customer relationships make or break your business. You may provide superior products and services. Your place of business may be modern, clean, well-stocked, and have great signage. You could have hired the most qualified staff. The business may have a strong presence in the community. You have invested in a great advertising campaign and the customers have responded. Things are going well--or so you think.

After the first year, you notice that sales have consistently dropped. The number of customers have diminished. The customers who remained are spending less than they did before. The staff isn't performing as well and most are late for work and out of uniform. What happened?

What you put into your business is exactly what you will get out of it. It is critical to take care of the people who shop with you as well as the people who work for you. They are human after all. They have needs, worries, and problems that need resolution. If you don't do a good job of responding to their problems, some will be very vocal and lodge complaints. They will make you do your job. Others will give you another chance, but will seek out the competition to compensate for your shortcomings. And then there are those who won't make a fuss. They won't make suggestions on how you could improve. They will just stop doing business with you and tell everyone they know why.

Personal relationships are no different. The worst thing that you can do is to take the people in your life for granted. If you ask for more favors than you return, ask for help but offer none, and include them in the work while excluding them from the fun, then they will remove themselves from your circle.

In this life, it is incumbent upon each of us to give as good as we get, if not better. The lesson here is that you cannot expect others to make you a priority when you treat them like afterthoughts.

Be good to yourself~and others! More next time...

A Big Announcement! At Least It Is for Me...

Those of you who regularly read Raychelle Writes know that I enjoy interviewing authors and artists. I love blogging about all things writing and hosting other writers. Oh, and I have a thing for children's books, so I write them, illustrate them, and review them, too. All and all, I see writing as a way to share what I am learning. It is cathartic and a true outlet for me.

There are many other subjects that I am passionate about and wellness is one of them. I am a certified personal trainer and I have a degree in the wellness and fitness field. For the last several years, I have been posting about health, fitness, and wellness on Journeys Fitness. It has been said that we teach what we need to learn and I will admit that I am always on the quest for better and more balanced ways to live.

So, I am excited to announce my first project in the self-help genre! The Living Well: Taking Your Journey to a Balanced and Successful Life is a collection of original essays and published blog posts where I offer my take on success, conquering fears, atonement, finding your balance, setting goals, motivation, and happiness. My intention in writing this book is inspire each of us to consider our place in life, decide how to improve it, and then take action. My hope is that The Living Well becomes a resource for living which will be revisited as often as needed for years to come.

The Living Well is scheduled for release this summer. Stay tuned for other exciting news!

Be good to yourself! More next time...

Lessons From My "Life Coach"

Yesterday, I had a rather cathartic conversation with one of my dearest friends of over 25 years. The topics of discussion ranged from our families and personal growth to our journeys through adulthood and our future aspirations. The most significant part of our discussion tackled how easy it is to "get stuck in a rut" and how difficult it can be to get free. The biggest lesson that I learned is that it is possible to have the life that you want if you choose to have it.

Examine your siblings and other family members. Isn't it interesting how brothers and sisters who grew up in the same household can have completely different world views and approaches to living? I remember hearing someone make the comment that "You can take the girl out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the girl" and understanding in that moment what the single greatest deterrent to our individual and collective success is: IGNORANCE. I don't mean the kind of ignorance that is played out on "Jerry Springer" or "Flava of Love". What we see on these shows is the effect of one's thinking on his/her behavior. What I am referring to is root cause of ignorance defined as, "the state of lacking knowledge or intelligence;illiteracy; being uneducated or uninformed." Contained in the word ignorance is the word "ignore" which means, "to refuse to take notice of; to overlook, slight, or neglect."

I am a firm believer that once you know better, you will do better. A very wise man once said that, "He who controls the diameter of your thinking, controls the circumference of your activity." The choices that you make in life are limited by the scope of your knowledge base. You have to understand that you have the power to choose and be courageous enough to do it. I would like to offer some quotes that I hope will serve both as sources of inspiration as well as resources to draw upon while you consider the possibilities for your life.

1) "Do for self or suffer the consequences." -Elijah Muhammad
No one is going to improve your lot in life for you. Whether it be your relationships, finances, health, education, or happiness, you have got to go and get it for yourself.

2) "Open confession is good for the soul." -Scottish Proverb
Punishing yourself for past wrongs is non-productive. The only way to set yourself free of your demons is to get them out in front of you. I like to think through and write out my feelings, convey them to the individuals involved, and then run my words through the shredder. Clear the air, forgive yourself and others, and be done with it.

3) "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -Albert Einstein
There exists a causal relationship in everything. Trying something new is paramount to growth and maturity. How can you change your reality if you don't change your perception? You cannot have what successful people have if you don't do what successful people do. If I work a job for 20 hours a week at a minimum wage job, then I cannot expect to live the life and enjoy the freedoms of one who works 60 hours a week building his own business. If I eat poorly and spend my leisure time on the couch watching the tube, then I will not have the body of an elite athlete. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If what you are doing isn't yielding the desired results, then do something else.

4) "The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them." -Albert Einstein
It is important to be present in the moment and make conscious, rational decisions in our lives. Refer back to quote number three. Many of the bad decisions that we make are under duress. In Texas, any legal contract entered into under duress is invalid. This simply means that you get "an out." If you were not in your right mind when you made a bad decision, then the ability to recognize and correct the mistake won't present itself until you settle back into reality. Sometimes that requires help from an outside source. If you were simply uniformed at the time of your decision, educate yourself and learn from the mistake. You will prevent history from repeating itself and break a vicious cycle.

5) "Go do something good for yourself today." -"Anonymous"
While we all have responsibilities to the people in our lives, no responsibility is more important than one's duty to himself. People are often drawn to you because of the benefits they can receive from your skills and talents. I believe that the world is made up of three kinds of people: givers, takers, and those who know how to balance both. A 100% giver usually has nothing to show for himself but resentment because no time is spent on filling his/her own tank. A 100% taker ends up alone and spending all of his time holding on to what he has extracted from others. The balancer is open to what the world has to offer, takes what he is blessed with and "pays it forward," and understands that his quality of life stems from taking care of himself and his happiness. The balancer understands that people will come and people will go. If the people in your circle take from you more than they give, get a new circle.

6) "No one who can rise before dawn three hundred sixty days a year fails to make his family rich." -Chinese Proverb
This quote is an excerpt from a book called, Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. (A huge thanks to my sister, Rosiland, who recommended it to me and my siblings.) The point here is that successful people work harder than everybody else to achieve excellence. You have to be willing to push through uncertainty, adversity, fatigue, disappointment, and even poverty to achieve your goals and aims in life. The formula for work is force times distance. Your efforts (force) count for nothing if you remain stuck in the same place (travel no distance) day after day and year after year. Keep your shoulder to the plow and don't stop pushing.

Each of us is entitled to being wildly happy, having vibrant health, fostering good relationships, being wealthy and successful as defined on our own terms, having powerful spiritual connections, and living peaceful lives. We have to know that this possibility exists. We have to be willing to do the work. We have to be present in every moment. We have to be willing to change the way that we think. We have to choose to be happy.

Be good to yourself. More next time...

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson,
A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles

Did you feel that? I get chills every time I read this quote. Can you imagine what your life would be like if you lived it fearlessly? What would it be like to always reach up and not down? To look forward and not backwards? To set a goal, reach it, and then set a bigger one? What kind of power would you realize as an individual if you just decided to go after everything instead of letting things "just happen"? What would it be like to live your life without regrets and "what-ifs"? Would you be honest with yourself about your hang-ups and jealousies? Would you do something to make yourself a better person? Would you accept that you are not perfect in living, but certainly in your creation? Would you realize your endless potential? Would you dream bigger than you ever have? Would you try something new? What would you do?

What is this idea of 'light', anyway? Who or what is that? Is it God? Is it energy manifested? Why do we seem to function better in the light rather than in darkness?Why do we need it? There is light from the sun that is powerful and affords all living things the ability to exist. (Light, life, and power--how about that?) When we have a realization about something, we say, "I have seen the light!" Or, you know the saying, "What's done in the dark will come to the light." There is power in truth. Many people actually experience the "winter blues" because of the absence of sunlight. Decide for yourself what 'light' is, but know that the potential to shine is common to everyone.

So, how do you get that little light of yours to shine on the inside? The simple answer is to just get out of your own way. You have to nurture your spirit and start to see yourself as part of the whole. Maybe you've seen the commercial recently where an individual witnesses someone helping an elderly lady and then offers some act of kindness to the next person he encounters. Our actions are powerful. It ain't what you say, it is what you do that matters. Being great creates a domino effect in your circle of influence. The gift of self-realization is as much a blessing to you as it is to the people around you. It stirs up feelings of hope. It makes people cheer for you when you don't cheer for yourself. It inspires others to be better.

Consider the dynamic of team sport. There have been many a talented athlete in professional sports, but few have gotten the brass ring. Look at Michael Jordan. He had millions of people around the world wanting to be "like Mike". That translates into different things to different people. On the surface, some people wanted to score 63 points, be the slam dunk champion, get the endorsements, or win multiple championships. His true talent, however, lied in his incredible work ethic as well as his ability to make everyone around him better. He challenged every deficiency of his game and silenced his critics by delivering on the court. His fans were drawn to his power to grow and change and be great. He was realizing his potential as a player. That kind of power is magnetic. That kind of power is inside each and everyone of us.

Mahatma Gandhi said, "You must be the change you want to see in the world." And, yes, while change has come to America, it is incumbent upon all of us to be great and fearless and fantastic and brilliant and powerful. Those qualities are inherent in our very creation. Suppressing them is not an option.

Be good to yourself! More next time...

Defining Your Success-Part 2: Are We There Yet?

The most predictable question that a child will ask while on a seemingly long journey is: "Are we there yet?" Because adults may underestimate a child's ability to grasp the mechanics of travel, they often withhold important details about the trip. Children have to grow into an understanding of time, rates of speed, geography, etc., but the more information that they have, the easier it will be to gain their buy-in. Adults are no different. If people understand where you are going, they will better be able to decide whether they want to support your efforts.

"Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome." -Arthur Ashe

I love this quote by Arthur Ashe. While I agree that the journey is what determines the outcome, it occurs to me that it is critical to know the destination. You must know where you are going first, so that you can devise a plan that details the best way to get there. In other words, you must have a vision for your life. One of my brothers said to me that each of us has a God-given purpose. Once we identify what that is, we should go about the business of formulating a vision for what we want to accomplish during our time on this planet.

Successful people align themselves with those who share the same/similar vision because they recognize the power in the collective efforts of like-minded people. They have a clear vision for their lives and they know how to articulate it to others. If your goal is to become a parent, you wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who doesn't want children. If your goal is to become an English professor, you shouldn't major in physics. If your goal is to be promoted to a management position at work, it is critical that your supervisor be aware of your aspirations. They must also, however, share your vision and be committed to helping you reach your goal.

Consider all of the relationships that you have. Look at your marriage, family, work, school, social clubs, etc. Ask yourself, "What is my vision for my life? Do the most important relationships that I have support my vision?" This an assessment that we should make every time we consider entering into a new relationship or ponder a new opportunity.


When partnerships dissolve, one of three things has occurred. One partner develops a vision where none existed prior. One's vision has changed. One or both parties discovers that their visions for life are not the compatible. It is critical that both parties be honest and forthright about their intentions. If one chooses to withhold information, the other is forced to make decisions without knowing the big picture. This relationship is doomed to fail. Both parties have a right to know the truth because the lie will hinder both people from reaching their individual destinies. Using someone else's skills and talents for personal gain is unfair. Put all of the cards on the table. The big lesson here is that if there is no shared vision, then go your separate ways. No harm, no foul.

Take some time and discover your true purpose and formulate a vision for your life. Then surround yourself with people who share that vision. If you know where you're at,where you're going, and who's going with you, then you'll never have to ask, "Are we there yet?" again.

Be good to yourself! More next time...

The Power of Self-Talk

Self-talk is the conversation that man has with himself. It is the internal feedback that he conveys to himself based on his thoughts and feelings about his appearance, intellect, emotions, health, morals, and actions. Your perception is your reality. It shapes every decision that you make and everything that you do. It can help you to move your mountains or cause you to trip on speed bumps. Mary Kay Ash said that, "If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right." It is possible to convince yourself that you cannot do something before you even try once. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Simply put, you are what you think.

The human being is the highest life form on earth. He has free will. He can do whatever he wants to do. Birds fly, lay eggs, and migrate with the seasons. Bees pollinate flowers and make honey. Dogs bury bones, scratch fleas, and chase cars. Every other creature is born knowing its purpose. Each has innate instincts that govern how it will live and survive. Free will can be both a blessing and a curse if one's thinking is negative. Having the ability to define who you are is pointless if you place more energy into the power of "can't" than you place into the power of "can".

Where does all of negativity come from? FEAR. It comes from the fear of failure and the fear of rejection and the fear of losing. It also comes from the fear of success and the fear of acceptance and the fear of winning. It comes from the fear of change. It comes from the fear of the unknown. I read recently a quote that said, "Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of." The bad things in our lives that we have grown accustomed to like excessive debt, obesity, poor health, unhealthy relationships, underpaying/unsatisfying jobs, and unresolved feelings are comfortable. We know how they affect us. We know that they are not good for us. We don't like how they make us feel about ourselves, but yet we hold on to them because they are familiar and predictable. They don't require any change in our behavior or interruption in our daily routines. Overcoming the negative self-talk that arises from fear requires us to challenge it. Positivity and negativity are powerful forces in our lives. To remove one and replace it with the other requires work and courage. We must accept the challenge to change.

If you have never kept a journal in your life, I suggest that you get into the habit of examining your thoughts on paper. Write down your honest opinions, thoughts, values, and feelings about the events that occur daily in your life over the next 30 days. Focus on one aspect of your life that you want to change and/or improve and detail your thoughts. On day 31, re-read your journal. Pay close attention to the words that you use to describe people and events including yourself. You will discover patterns in your behavior and begin to recognize the content of your self-talk. When you know better, you will do better. You may discover the true reason why you are sabotaging your opportunity to have a great life. You may decide to make a change in your life. You might start to appreciate the power that you have to win. You might realize that you deserve to be happy and successful. You might start living again... Now would that be so bad?

Be good to yourself. More next time...