What Are You Afraid Of?

"Fear has been instrumental in setting your course whether your parents are alive or dead. Whether you grew up happy or sad, wealthy or poor. Whether you know it or not. Fear has developed your likes and dislikes, picked your friends, and raised your children. Fear has limited your potential, excluded possibilities, and controlled your choices." Rhonda Britten, author of Fearless Living: Live Without Excuses and Love Without Regret

Fear is a very common reaction to the unknown. It arises in us all when we feel that our security and safety are threatened. The unknown is daunting. We fear the repercussions of our failures and the burden of success. We focus on what we may lose as opposed to what we stand to gain. Fear is often the result of trauma (conscious and unconscious). But, fear is necessary to our individual and collective survival. Fear is the signal of danger that elicits a physical reaction referred to as "fight or flight". It is how we manage our fight or flight response that will determine the life or death of a project, business venture, relationship, or even ourselves and others. (You've gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em...know when to walk away and know when to run!)

For some, fear can be paralyzing. The very thought of trying something new or different sparks a downward spiral of worry and self-doubt. "What will people think? What will people say? Am I smart enough? Am I good enough? Can I pull this off? Will my friends and family support me? Will I be sorry if I don't do it? What if I fail? What if I succeed?" This cycle is never-ending, decisions are never made, and much time is wasted on this fruitless activity. You are giving away your power.

For others, fear is what drives them. It is the fear of losing position, notoriety, friends, respect, material things, relationships, etc. that causes them to leap into action. They play "not to lose" instead of "playing to win". The fearful do just enough to keep what they have rather than devise a plan to change and grow and improve themselves. Their self-esteem is low and they often question whether they are even worthy of their blessings. They sabotage themselves for fear of success.

But, it doesn't stop there. They then go about the business of tearing down others. They will take your ideas and endeavors to others and encourage them to throw their hats into the ring. They will pretend not to know where you have been and what you have been working on. They will suggest that you have "changed" or are engaging in questionable behavior. They will whisper derogatory statements in an attempt to downplay your successes while maintaining the appearance of a supporter. They plant seeds of doubt about you among the very people you love and have love for you. (You know, they cast a little "shade". But, don't despair--your light shines brightest in the dark, so protect it. Besides, shade gives you rest and relief from the heat! Re-charge your batteries and come back stronger!)Without a reflection of what they could and should be staring back at them, it becomes easy to justify their lot in life. It becomes easy to maintain the status quo.

The fearful have now completely succumbed to their cowardice. The rationale is this: "If no one around me gets better, then I won't have to either." The real failure here is not realizing that one's success is met only in part by hard work, preparation, and perseverance. God blesses and chastises whom He pleases. Feelings of envy and jealousy are useless and misplaced. The real dissatisfaction lies with God Himself.

Likely you are aware of the notion that if people are talking about you then you must be doing something right. There will always be opposition from people who are resistant to change, especially if your changes diminish the benefits you have brought to their lives. You cannot please everybody, nor should you attempt to do so. Do the necessary work of getting to the root cause of your fear and then free yourself from it. When you come to know who you are and what your purpose on this earth is, be yourself and be great at it. Be yourself without asking permission, without hesitation, without worry, and without fear. Be unapologetic. Be your best at everything you do. Be reminded that God made no mistakes when He created you and sent you into this world. And lastly, be clear that you answer only to HIM.

Be good to yourself! More next time...

Making the Fast: How to Eat to Live During Ramadan

Available in paperback and electronic download!



Excerpt from Chapter 6 Hydration:

"The average individual requires 96 ounces (3 quarts) of water per day. For individuals who are participating in a weight loss program, an additional 8 ounce glass of water for every 25 pounds over ideal bodyweight is required. Extra hydration is also needed for those who live in warmer humid climates as well as those who perform brisk exercise. During Ramadan, the challenge lies in maintaining water intake levels within a shorter window of opportunity. In this chapter, we will cover the benefits of good hydration, how water is lost, causes of dehydration, effects of dehydration, hydration guidelines, foods to avoid, and foods to help stay hydrated during Ramadan.

"There are many benefits to good hydration. The following systems and are positively affected: 1) endocrine gland function increases, 2) fluid retention is alleviated, 3) liver function improves which increases the percent of body fat percentage used for energy (which promotes weight loss), 4) natural thirst returns, 5) appetite decreases significantly, 6) metabolic functions improve, 7) nutrients are well distributed throughout the body, 8) body temperature regulation improves, and 9) blood volume is maintained." (Micheal A. Clark, 2008)

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Are You Ready for Ramadan?

Ramadan begins in just one week. Hopefully, you have already started your preparations. If not, there is still time. Here are some of my annual rituals that set me and my family up for a successful fast.

1. Eliminate unhealthy foods from your diet.
It is critical that we eat nutritionally-dense foods during Ramadan. Processed foods, fast food, junk food, etc. typically do not contain adequate amounts of protein and fiber. They also lack vitamins and minerals. You will still be hungry and want to eat more to compensate for the lack of nutritional value. You could potentially gain weight. Also, ensure that you eliminate bodily wastes regularly.

2. Reduce/eliminate caffeine intake.
Drinks that contain caffeine like coffee and green tea act as mild diuretics which will work against your efforts to stay hydrated. Make sure to get adequate rest to conserve energy. Also, consuming slow-release carbs will help keep your energy levels up.

3. Plan your meals and shop now.
Take inventory to ensure that you have sufficient amounts of healthy foods on hand. Consider: What will your diet consist of for the month? Will you eat salads, beans, soups, and fruit? How much time will you have to cook daily? Which foods can I cook in advance and freeze? Do I have enough water? Will I host iftar feasts?

4. Clean and organize your home.
Pay special attention to your kitchen and spaces where ablution, prayer, and reading will take place. Eliminate any clutter. Your home should be a restful and inviting refuge.

5. Take a moment to count your blessings.
Your attitude about Ramadan should be one of gratitude and humility. Be grateful for every blessing and trial. The way you start is the way you will end. If you focus on what you must sacrifice, you will miss out on the benefits.

6. Commit to making or breaking a habit.
Ramadan is a wonderful time to re-focus and establish discipline. If it takes 21 days to make or break a habit,then imagine where you will be in thirty!

7. Plan your day.
Your daily routine will require some adjustments. Be realistic about your limitations. You may decide to scale back non-essential tasks for the month. It may be necessary to change the time of day that you prepare meals. You may take naps before dinner. You may move your workouts to early morning so that you can drink. Choose the best time to complete your daily reading. Do what works for you.

8. See your doctor.
If possible, squeeze in a doctor's appointment. It is critical to know your numbers and how the fast may affect your overall health. The Ramadan fast can be quite beneficial for generally healthy people. If you are ill, pregnant, or breastfeeding, you should not be fasting. Those who take prescription medication due to existing health conditions may be unable to participate. Listen to your body and follow your doctor's orders.

9. Figure out the frequency and intensity of your workouts.
If you don't already follow an exercise regimen, this may not be the best time to start one. If you are currently active, adjust your workouts accordingly. You may work out 5-6 days and need to drop back to 3 or 4 days to conserve energy and manage hydration. Exercises like walking and yoga can help with circulation, mood, quality of sleep, and appetite control.

10. Adjust your daily schedule.
Start pushing dinner time later in the day. If you normally eat at 6pm, gradually delay your meal 15-20 minutes each day. Today, eat at 6:20 pm. Tomorrow, eat at 6:40 pm. Follow a similar regimen if you do not rise before dawn for prayer. Adjust your alarm clock 15 minutes earlier every day. By the start of the fast, your transition will be much easier.

Be good to yourself! More next time...